Head of the Diocese of Worcester, Bishop Robert J. McManus, was arrested for driving under the influence this weekend after police stopped him in Narragansett, R.I. McManus admitted, “I made a terrible error in judgment.” Though, he did add, “At least I didn’t do that thing with the kids.”
A stunt in which thrill-seeking rebels swallow a tablespoon of dry cinnamon with no water, gag and spew out a cloud of orange dust went viral in 2012, resulting in more than 50,000 YouTube video clips of people attempting the so-called “cinnamon challenge.” At least 30 cases stemming from the challenge required medical attention, including Cinnamon Toast Crunch’s Chef Wendell who suffered a collapsed lung and destroyed his nasal septum after a 3 day cinnamon binge.
If he saved so much money by switching to Geico, then why is he riding on the 3 train?
A costumed Cookie Monster allegedly pushed a 2-year-old child in Times Square and called the kid’s Bollywood star mother a name unfit for “Sesame Street,” according to prosecutors. The event was very startling to the mother, who expected more from the random grown man, wearing a Cookie Monster costume, in the middle of a New York City street.
Earlier this week, a man in New Jersey went to the gym specifically to let his Facebook friends know how he was pumping iron at the gym. The third year real estate agent, Derrick Ricci, had just come off of his fourth consecutive month without selling a property and thought it was time to give his social status a much needed confidence boost.
In his personal life, Derrick is alone and miserable, living a pathetic existence in a $550/month condo near a local community college. However, on Facebook everybody knows him as a positive guy with tons of muscle pics and never shy to show off his awesome new back tattoo. “I haven’t seen him in like fifteen years,” said former high school homeroom classmate George Richards. “I heard his hot high school girlfriend cheated on him and his life pretty much went in the shitter from there.”
Derrick checked-in to Powerhouse Gym on Foursquare around 6:23pm, adding the fact that he was specifically focusing on his, “Upper body” that evening. As of now, he has two likes and a “Hot! lol” comment from a regretful ex-hook up of his.
Former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick was convicted Monday of corruption charges, throwing the man behind bars once and for all. Detroit residents hope they can finally put this whole ordeal behind them and return to being a miserable, shitty city.
A new species of mosquito is expected to spoil a lot of Florida residents’ summers this year. The half inch long insect supposedly has a stinging bite and is really good at shuffleboard.
For the third straight day this week, twenty-three year old Rachel Blum complained to her roommate about her stupid Marketing Coordinator job, where she barely makes $40,000 a year. The Michigan native has been out of college for just over a year now and can’t believe how dumb everyone is that works with her, and how much of a retard her boss is.
Rachel has a Marketing degree from Michigan State University and was recommended for the Marketing Coordinator postion by her father, who knows the CEO of the top 5 ad agency from his fraternity days. She currently resides in a $3500/month two bedroom apartment on the 9th floor of a luxury building, situated in the heart of Manhattan’s Murray Hill district.
“It’s like I work my ass off everyday and I can barely afford to go to brunch on Sundays,” said Rachel. “And now I have to actually put away money if I even want to go to my friend Sarah’s birthday in New Orleans this year.”
Rachel’s typical day of work consists of contacting online advertising options, facebook, crafting semi-legible e-mails, Twitter, texting her girlfriends, and shopping online. Through her first year of work, she’s only missed a total of fifteen days – not counting holidays, birthdays, and weddings.
“To be honest, I’m not sure what she does on a typical day,” said one of Rachel’s superiors. “Some days she looks pretty hot though, and I think she hooked up with Ted from creative.”
Rachel has contemplated moving back to Michigan, but isn’t sure she can stand moving back in with her annoying parents after experiencing New York City. She’s also considering other job options, but doesn’t know people like everyone else in the fucking city. One thing she is sure of, she would never stoop so low as to work in retail. After all, she has a college degree.
This Tuesday afternoon, Jeep’s Twitter feed was hijacked by what appeared to be the same hackers responsible for Monday’s takeover of Burger King’s Twitter feed. On the positive side, Jeep hopes the publicity will enable them to sell at least one car this year.
A pregnant 16 year old in Texas has won the right to have her baby after suing her parents. After winning the case, the teen went on a celebratory shopping spree, spending all of her winnings on shoes and handbags. Then, used the rest of her weekly allowance to treat her friends for dinner at Applebees.
